I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
