Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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