So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
