everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The power of my boobs compel you
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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