So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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