It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize