dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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