i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can text with my tongue
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
