Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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