OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
