I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
