Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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