At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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