I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize