I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
