jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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