Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
