All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
