I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
