I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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