You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
