woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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