That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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