when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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