Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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