shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
