Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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