He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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