i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
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Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
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Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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