P.S. I can't hear my feet
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
