I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
