How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
