I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
