i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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