im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
