Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
