I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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