Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
