Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
