God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
