Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
