Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
