in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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