I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
