o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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