why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
