apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
