How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
