Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
