Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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