What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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