I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
