maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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