God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
