Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
