I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
