Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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