Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
