8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
