That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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