My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize