Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
