Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
