maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
