My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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