They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
