Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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