What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
