Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
