i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty