im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
