This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
