Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
