So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
