covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i barfeds in our rink
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
