READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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