FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
