i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
